Stand up for your sister

On Wednesday night, the women of Gap D entered a room and sat in a circle. The Lord filled the room and big things happened in that circle. We had no idea what was in store. We walked into our “women’s night” thinking we were going to get face masks or something. What we got was so much bigger.

Our leaders had us prepare our hearts by sitting in worship and then told us we would be doing something called “Stand Up for Your Sister.” (They participated in the activity as well.) They handed each of us a paper with hard questions. Questions that can be really hard to be honest about. They ranged from topics of eating, to home life, abuse, relationships, mental health, and more. Our leaders read them aloud and we circled yes or no to those questions one by one. Because it was anonymous, we could be honest with ourselves. When we finished, we folded our papers, dropped them in a box, and we each picked a paper out of the box (meaning we were getting someone else’s paper). We didn’t know who’s paper it was because our names weren’t on them. Our leaders explained that they would read the questions again, and for each one we would stand up if there was a yes on the paper we received. This meant that for every person that had a yes, there would be that many people standing up for that question to show how many people had struggled too. We were standing up on our sister’s behalf, standing in their place.

These questions were, no doubt, things that we felt alone in. Things we didn’t want to talk about because the devil created the lie that we are alone, that we have to hide in shame, that it is our fault, that we aren’t good enough, that we don’t belong, that we are too messy, and so on. They were things that in struggling with ourselves we say, “surely they don’t understand.” I think it was intimidating for so many of us because of that reason. But when our squad mates starting standing up for each other and filling in that space that fear, guilt, and shame had created, we discovered something so much different than what we were believing.

Girls started standing up from the very first question. So many of my sisters. Multiple girls for every question. So many of my squad mates stood up for things I had felt alone in for too long. So many for things I would never wish on somebody else. So many it was heartbreaking. But at the same time, we all began to realize something: we weren’t alone.

Our squad mentor opened up the floor for us to share. For every person who shared, there was another person to follow and say “me too.” Chains fell off as people said “I told myself I would take this with me to my grave but…” or “nobody knows this but…” or “I didn’t think I would share but…” Vulnerability led to vulnerability. The Lord brought freedom in that circle in a way I’ve never seen before. He gave us the authority to declare ourselves free. Healing didn’t wait. Change came right then and there. Shame ran away. I’ve never seen such humility in myself or others. People who hate crying were sobbing in front of everyone. I’ve never seen such boldness, courage, and strength. I couldn’t be prouder of every person in that room. Every story was heartbreaking, but seeing the start of healing was beautiful.

After sharing, our squad mentor had us stand up for every section that our paper had any yesses in and she declared truth over us. That we were wonderfully made. Perfect daughters of a perfect father. That we didn’t deserve the hurt. That we were worthy. That we weren’t defined by any of those things, but by Jesus. That we were still loved the same in the past and present struggling. That we were not alone but that we were women who would fight for each other. That this community is safe. That nothing could disqualify us from that. That if we hadn’t healed yet it was okay. That the lies those struggles had birthed were just that: lies. That they didn’t have to have a hold on us, that we could choose to walk in the truth he speaks about us.

Overall, I am in awe of what the Lord did Wednesday night. The Lord brought freedom in that circle and wow, was it beautiful.