jump.

About a month ago, my squad found ourselves at debrief in the mountains of Costa Rica. Wanting to make the most of our fun time, a few of my squadmates insisted on going bungee jumping. I thought they were crazy for it- and I ended up doing it with them. 

The day before we went, I started at the sign up sheet in amazement of the five or six of my squadmates who would willingly jump off a bridge. I had to go the next day and watch this for myself, so I did. We hiked up the windy road in oncoming traffic for thirty minutes, then up the many flights of stairs that led to the bridge off of which they would jump. As those of us watching looked down, coming to a realization of how high we were, the others anxiously strapped up. They walked down the bridge, which swang just by the movement of their feet. Finally they reached the jumping spot, and one by one went. Rather than seeing them and being terrified, I thought it was the coolest thing ever (to my surprise). They were practically flying in the air, having the time of their lives. We all watched and expressed a slight feeling of regret for not going. 

Then someone said, “Do you think it’s too late?” As they walked back, we asked the instructor if we could go. Surely enough, he said yes. Without even thinking of how scared it would make me to freefall from almost three hundred feet, I put a harness on and shakingly walked onto the bridge. 

He asked, “Who’s going first?” 

Before anyone could answer, I said “ME- because if I don’t go now, I won’t go at all.” 

Suddenly, a rush of fear came over my body, one I couldn’t feel as I watched and wondered how fun it would be to jump. I stood on the edge of the ledge, and the guy started counting. I WAS NOT READY. Definitely not ready. But when he got to one, I jumped anyway because I knew I couldn’t wait any longer. I didn’t jump the right way, I mean at all. I was supposed to do an outward dive kind of maneuver, but I jumped straight up like some sort of dying animal. As I started freefalling, my stomach dropped. As the ground began to appear closer and closer to my face, I literally thought I was dying- I know, the drama lol. I couldn’t move or scream. And then I got yanked back up; and it was actually fun (as it appeared to be.) I realized I wasn’t dying (lol) and it was really cool. 

Last week, my squad hiked 45 minutes up a mountain to be able to slide and jump down 27 waterfalls. When we got to the top, the guide told us the biggest jump was 21 feet. Some of us freaked out a little, including myself at first. Then I reminded myself, “I jumped off a couple hundred foot bridge, there’s no way I can’t jump off a 21 foot cliff.” So when we got there, I didn’t take time to think. Because I told myself jumping was my only option- there was no going back. Technically, I could’ve hiked all the way back, but why would I even want to take a 45 minute hike back to avoid the very thing I came for? So I stood in the spot where the guide told me to and without thinking or waiting to be ready, I jumped. And it was great. There was freedom in free falling and having no control, when I thought it would be the opposite.

Later that day, I heard the Lord speak these words over me: “Andi, sometimes it’s as simple as just jumping. Why would you avoid the very thing you came for?” And I realized, so often, I spend too much time thinking, doubting myself or Him, that I stop myself from jumping into what he has for me. We seek Jesus and want more of Him, but when He hands us something uncomfortable, hard, scary, or unpredictable, we often run back and avoid the very thing we came for: Him alone. 

As I sat with the Lord, I jotted down these words in my journal:

“What does it look like to follow you as if it’s the only option, as if jumping and trusting you is the only option?” 

Because in reality, we get to choose whether or not we follow Him. We get to choose Him as our only option or our last resort. Following him as our only option looks scary when we view it through a worldly lens (as jumping looked scary); but when we see it through a heavenly mindset, we know there is an abundance of fruit. 

And so He told me, “It looks like knowing there is fruit ahead; it looks like not waiting to be ‘ready.’” Because chances are, most of the time we’ll never be ready. But the good news is that He is ready for us, and if he’s asking something of us, He is in it. 

After I had jumped off the bridge, people asked, “Are you glad you did it?” At the time, I had too much adrenaline running through my body to even form sentences. But later I thought to myself, “Thank God I jumped when I wasn’t ready, because if I had waited until I was ready, I would have never jumped.” And I think that has described my walk with the Lord really beautifully. I wasn’t fully ready to accept Jesus when I did- I didn’t have all the answers to my questions or doubts, but I knew He was ready for me. I most certainly wasn’t ready to go on the race when He called me and brought me to it, but I knew He was ready for me. And I could tell you a lot more that I wasn’t ready for that I watched Him work through so beautifully. 

I don’t want to wait anymore. I don’t even want to be ready anymore, because chances are what I’m “ready” for isn’t anywhere near as big as what He has for me. 

Jesus, help me to live in the simplicity of knowing your goodness. Help me to follow you as if it’s the only option. To trust, surrender, and abide as if it’s the only option.

Hope these words meant something to you!!