“Dear Racers,”

Outside of my door sits a cardboard box holding a cold white mug and the leftover tea bag inside of it, the pink bowl I ate my chicken noodle soup out of, a spoon, and some trash. This thanksgiving, I didn’t sit around a table with my family- I was in my room, in bed all day.

Tuesday afternoon, I got off my flight and read a text saying two people on my squad had tested positive for covid. Later that number turned into three, which later turned into 8, which later became an even larger number that included me and many more of my squadmates. Wednesday morning, I tested positive for covid. A short, week long break meant for me to be home with my family quickly turned into at least two weeks of isolation. I couldn’t be with my squad, I couldn’t go where I had planned to go or see the people I had planned to see, I couldn’t do much more than talk to my mom from outside my door. Not the break I had planned.

Rewind back to Tuesday night: my first reaction was fear. What if I had covid? What if I didn’t get to see my grandparents? What if I exposed my family and others along the way? What if I had to stay home and miss part of my remaining time in Georgia? I was confused. It didn’t make sense we could even get covid- we were in a bubble, in the middle of nowhere, not allowed to go into the outside world. I was frustrated and upset for my squadmates and myself. But amidst my racing thoughts and anxious mind, the father patiently reminded me that I could choose to stand in his goodness. So the rest of the night, I chose to worship. I chose to surrender my fear, confusion, frustration, and sadness over to him, and to rest in the fact that he was holding me and my squad; that I was so much better off in his hands than trying to control something I had absolutely no control over. I chose praise and thanksgiving (satan really hates that.) I told the enemy that there was no room for him or the what if, because even if he was still good. So I went to bed an got tested the next morning.

When I clicked on my results and read “detected” I didn’t want to believe it. I really, really, really, didn’t want to spend my break in my room, and be away from my squad for even longer, or be sick.

On Tuesday afternoon, I received an email saying my squad’s return date to Georgia had been pushed back a week. I was honestly relieved when I found out, because I had been worried I wouldn’t be able to come back at all or miss out on part of the time.

Thursday morning, I woke up to a squadmate calling me, telling me to check my email. I knew it wasn’t good. It read: “Dear racers, (that’s when you know it’s not good lol) we have come to the conclusion that it is best to have all four September squads ‘go virtual’ from now until your scheduled arrival back to campus in early January.” My heart sank. Saturday morning we all packed up saying “See you later!” and “It’s only 10 days!” Little did we know that “later” would be much longer than we had expected, and that 10 days would turn into 40. We missed out on a lot of goodbyes and our squad is aching to be together. When you become accustomed to constantly pouring into others and being poured into yourself, when you become accustomed to doing life together and loving people so deeply, a month feels like a really long time. As for AIM campus itself, I didn’t know a lot of moments from last week would be my last memories from my time living there. I didn’t realize my time at a place that had quickly become my favorite place on earth had come to an end.

But in all of this, the father patiently reminded me that he was enough and that he is SO SO GOOD. And while he’s given me the blessing of being able to live in community on AIM campus for the past three months, he is enough even without that, even when that is suddenly taken from me. He reminded me that he was holding me, that he was holding my squad, and that we were better off in his hands. He reminded me that he is still the same God he was in Georgia, that he is still a God of growth, and he isn’t done with us. I know that the Lord is working deeply in all of Gap D, even being separated across the entire country; and I can’t wait to see all that he does in our time at home. I’m thankful for this time to stand in all of the growth the Lord has graciously given, to stand in his goodness and steadfast character, and to have a heart of worship, gratitude, and joy. It’s been amazing to see how my squad is always choosing into each other and fighting for each other. It’s been amazing to see how the Lord has used this circumstance to continue showing me that he is enough, that I get to constantly choose to have open hands, that I get to feel everything with him, that I get to enter into fellowship with him every day, everywhere, in every circumstance.

So this thanksgiving season, I’ve had all week to myself to reflect on how good the Lord really is, on how much I actually have to be thankful for. I reflected on all that he had done on my race so far and all of the amazing people on Gap D he’s blessed me with, but also that fact that he alone is enough. That he alone is worthy of more praise than I could ever give. That regardless of covid or changes in plans, his steadfastness and constant love never changes because he really is that good.

Gap D,

See you in 36 days. Thank you for showing me the heart of the father every day, even when we’re apart. Thankful that the bond we have is one that can’t be broken. Love you all more than you know.

Side note: I am doing okay and haven’t had any major complications! Covid has nothing on me and Jesus! I would so appreciate prayer for my entire squad- for unity during a time of separation, for healing during a time of sickness, continued growth in a time of unexpected events, and prepared hearts for Costa Rica. (We are still set to launch to Costa Rica in January!)